A tough oul’ week

I failed to write a blog two weeks ago because I was preparing myself to deliver a eulogy at my Dad's cremation.

As long-term readers of this newsletter will know, my Dad passed away almost two years ago (although I bet you're surprised it's almost two years already!). He donated his body to the medical faculty of University College Dublin as he felt that he wanted to be of some use after he was gone. It's something I'm very proud of him for doing and I'm delighted that we were able to organise it all with him before he died.

A couple of months ago we received a letter from UCD (on his birthday believe it or not) saying that they were ready to release his remains to us for cremation (as per his wishes). We knew that would be happening at some stage but we didn't know when so, while it wasn't exactly a shock, it was somewhat disconcerting, knowing that we now had to arrange a funeral and cremation for him.

My Dad was not a fan of religion and he told us that, when he died, we absolutely must not involve the church in the whole process. In fact he told us that if any kind of priest or clergyman was involved in his funeral that he would haunt us for the rest of our lives!

We never really got to have a proper funeral for him first time around because we didn't have his body and also we were still in something of a lockdown situation in August 2020 when he died. My sister and Mother wanted to have a proper ceremony, which I was happy to go along with it, although we were given the option to just have his ashes delivered to us by UCD, which probably would have been my preference.

Meanwhile, a few days before the cremation was due to take place, my sister who lives in Paris, and all of her family tested positive for Covid which meant that, after all of our efforts at organising the day, none of them could come along. It was absolutely heart-breaking for her not to be there. I don't know how long it will take her to recover from the disappointment and frustration of not being able to attend our Dad's cremation but I know for a fact that it has taken a heavy toll on her. It's really very sad indeed.

So she asked me to read a few words on her behalf, which was the thing I had been dreading about the ceremony in the first place. I had delivered a eulogy at a small gathering we had just after he died and I didn't really want to have to do it again. It was hard enough to do once!

But, of course, I didn't want to turn my sister down and, in fact it was an honour to speak on her behalf. But I needed to add something of my own too. My Mother, although she said a few words, only spoke for about a minute and a half, and we had no priest or other celebrant. So, by proxy the guts of the ceremony fell to me to fill which is why, on Monday two weeks ago, I felt it was beyond my capability to also write the Moon-Day News!

So, yes, we had a cremation for my lovely Dad who died almost two years ago. It felt good to remember him. He made me laugh more than anyone else I ever met and I opened up my speech by welcoming everyone to The Kevin Forde 2022 Comeback Special.

But of course it was a sad occasion too. It felt as if we were going through his death again. The same emotions second time round, without no less intensity than first time. I was surprised at how absolutley exhausting the whole thing was and how much I felt the grief in my physical body.

Practising yoga over the next few days was an interesting experience, feeling all the tension and stress that had been heaped upon me, in a very real, physical sense.

Ashtanga yoga is very interesting in that way. Because the physical practice is the same each day we get to notice small changes in minute detail. If we're in a tortured mental state we often notice this reflected in our physical bodies. The body seems to me to contract under stress.

The nice thing, though, is that, as we undo that physical tension through the practice of yoga, it can work in reverse too. Just as our tortured mind can cause contraction in the body, releasing and destressing the body can cause release and relaxation of mental anguish too. That has been my experience over the past couple of weeks. At a time that has been inarguably emotionally taxing the practice of physical yoga postures and deep breathing has provided me with some relief.

Thank goodness for yoga.

And thanks Dad for all the laughs.

My Dad and me.